• TheConfused Father

How to Spend a Birth Date

Two years ago today I was sitting in a meeting in Mankato Kansas when I got the call from my wife. The birthmother that we had been in contact with was going into labor and I needed to get to the hospital in Hays ASAP! Now I am a pretty by-the-book driver(a few miles over the speed limit but nothing crazy) but I am pretty sure I made the two-hour drive in just under an hour and a half. It's a good thing too since almost as soon as I found my way to the hospital room that had been assigned to use my wife handed me our 7-week old son to go take part in the delivery. Not how I had expected that day to go at all.

I don't think this is that different than how most none adoptive parents spend the days of their child's birth. I know Simon's birth mom wasn't planning to be in the hospital that day. If she had been Erin would have already planned to be there with her. The only one of our children that didn't come in the form of a surprise was Sebastian. He waited right up till he was induced. Thank the lord too because I know I couldn't have made it from Salina to Nashville in an hour and a half.


I think the biggest difference between adoptive parents and birth parents on the day of the birth is information. When Gabriella was born we had no idea that her birth mother had been having contractions that day. We were mostly off guard(it was only a few days prior to the expected due date so we knew there was a chance) that night as we rushed home to pack a bag and head to the hospital. During Sebastian's induction, we were kept informed by the hospital staff but up until we got to the hospital most of the information we had came from the adoption agency we were using. They only gave us the minimum that they felt we need to know which was not comforting as potential adoptive parents. On Simon's birthday, Erin had been in contact (the two of them texted almost daily) and we knew there was a chance hours before the actual call came in.


If I had any advice for parents that have been matched for adoption it would be to get close to their birthmothers. I know it can be hard, just because they chose you doesn't mean you necessarily like them. You say yes to being selected because you want to grow your family not because you are looking for a new friend. Being friendly will make your life easier though.

They are the only ones who know what is really going on and by trusting any third party to keep you informed you risk missing out on information that could make your life a lot easier.


I hope this post has found you in good health and of a sound mind. I didn't make my goal of posting last weekend but I will shoot for next weekend again. In the meantime, I am just another confused father wondering...


How we survived that year.


PS. Happy Birthday Simon even though you can't read this


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